How can I serve?

I wake up every day during the school year looking for ways I can serve others. That's when I feel most alive--when I'm helping others. This is why changed careers and became a teacher. This is why I raised my hand to teach summer school. This is why I stepped up to be the union steward representing the staff I work with at school. I'm so happy to help. 

I'm not particularly passionate about any of those things I mentioned above. There's not a raging fire in my belly over any of that. I do love being a teacher. I do love helping kids learn to read and write. I do love helping my colleagues navigate our collective agreement. But if I found something that I love even more I would leave it all behind in a heartbeat. 

It wasn't until I started feeling called to dig deeper about privilege and whiteness and anti-racism that I felt the pull of something that I care so deeply about. The fire is raging and I'm forced at the moment to keep it at bay because I'm working on finishing my masters degree research--which deals with a different topic. I feel compelled to hurry up and finish that work so I can dig into the work I really want to do. The research is something that serves me as well, but I don't feel the same way about that work. And I need closure in it.

I have no idea what will become of my digging in and learning more about myself within the context of all these heavy topics, but I feel the need to know it well. I feel that it will become apparent to me at some point what I should be doing with it. I know for certain that I will use it to serve others. In the meantime, it's about learning for me. Learning and writing and processing. This is my way of knowing the world right now. This is why I'm here.