Until I feel better?

I saw a meme on Instagram today that has stuck with me and made me think a little. It was a quote by Rachel Cargle: 

“Anti-racism work is not self-improvement work for white people. It doesn't end when white people feel better about what they've done. It ends when Black people are staying alive and they have their liberation." — @rachel.cargle

Amen to that. I worry that there is a lot of work being done right now because of the circumstances we are currently living under. You know, a pandemic and a social justice revolution are going on at the same time. These are not normal times. But these are times that are changing the world. 

I am so grateful that starting in the middle of March I had nothing better to do with my days than go for long walks and listen to podcasts and audiobooks. I watched the world come to life this spring instead of spending my days inside the walls of the school where I teach. I found the work of many amazing social justice warriors and found some new things to learn and that time is when the spark in me became a fire. But for me the the spark was already there. I was already interested. I was already doing the work. Slowly. The world shutting down during the pandemic just gave me more time to dig a little deeper.   

And then four police officers murdered George Floyd and the topics of anti-black racism and systemic racism were suddenly front and centre in everyone's lives. Not only were we stuck at home during a pandemic, we were also suddenly thrust into a social revolution. 

And a lot of people are doing the work. They're buying the books and starting the book clubs and figuring out how to talk the talk. There's lots of time for that these days. I worry, though, that after some time has passed and the pandemic winds down and people can get back to the things that they worried about before they worried about a virus they will also stop worrying about doing the work. Many of us will still be fanning the flames, but I don't know just yet how many of those white people who are so concerned right now will actually get themselves to the point where they can name and call out examples of systemic racism and do something to effect changes in policies so things can change for real. 

I'm not sure if I'll ever feel better as a result of the work I'm doing to learn about the implications of my whiteness and what I need to do to challenge the status quo. Not until things really start to change anyway. I wonder if all those people who are doing the work right in this moment are ever really going to feel better or if they'll just go back to being numb to it all.